Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
