capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
