saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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