so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize