Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
