I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
