Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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