everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
