Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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