I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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