I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
