Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
