I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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