Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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