they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
