you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
