I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
