dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
