I wish I only lived at night.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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