Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
