I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
