he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
