My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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