You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
