She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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