Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
