that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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