life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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