My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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