i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
