LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize