She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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