You're completely useless in the revolution.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
