mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
