It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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