oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
