This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
