We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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