White coat. Heels.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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