Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
