Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
