I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
