New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
