i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
