Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
