Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
