can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
