lets start a swedish sibling band together
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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