I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
