dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
