Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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