Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
