We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
