Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I cut my penus on the lid.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
