Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
