tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
