dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
