this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
