it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
