i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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