the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
accomplished twins. life is a go
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
