I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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