i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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