We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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