Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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