Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
