One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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