one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
