I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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