how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
