if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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