im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
